I want to feel special, Again...

 You see, i have a perfect relationship. This is the very first serious one i had.


 I was this, player and in search girl back then. I was in search for Mr. right but i end up with guys i do not admire. I do not also like them at all and the only reason why i date them is because of their consistency! 


 I think i was cursed that all that i crush will not be mine. Every time i see cute guys, Just two things; First is, i will never get to talk to them at all and second would be i i will just end up being friends with them. Totally sucks to the point that i become desperate and squeeze myself in their lives. Sometimes i just tell myself, okay i will not crush this guy or, i will set my mind that, nothing will happen so i'll just drop it.


 I waited and accepted that truth until, God gave me the greatest gift there is for me!!! I never wished for it but it just came to me and i think it's his plan and i should just trust and embrace it and i did, now look, i have a boyfriend now and this coming week will be our anniversary. You know why we last long and why it still feels like we just fell in love? it's because i crush him back then, i super do and i like him, you know the feeling when you like something that you want to take care of them and just be yours and you do not want anyone to borrow it from you and when it comes to work, when you like your work ,you would cherish and excel in it, right? so that's how i am experiencing now. 


 I can say that it's worth the wait. I can now say i am so blessed and i really thank God for giving me the greatest gift because it changed me.


 We are always together, sleep together but we never get tired and i hope we will never til death do us part. Sounds to good to be true, right but you know, it worries me too...What if i am the only one who feels this while he might be too full of me and he might fall out of love or he might grow tired of me :( 


 I have no proof but it's because i over think too much. sometimes i feel like, he does not really appreciate me, he does but not in a deeper sense, he's too relaxed that i will always be there and i am scared that he might take advantage of that thought.

 So right now, i am doing some adjustments with our routine. When it comes to text, i should not be always texting him and i should be ignoring him sometimes and but not totally. I should make him feel that i am not always around and available, he should be longing for me sometimes so that there's spark and romance when i make myself available for him again. When it comes to sleeping with him, i think i should lessen my sleeping schedules with him so that he will feel that he misses me and that he wanted to be with me, so that he will know how awesome our bonding is together, i want him to realize that he should not be chill because i do not feel special anymore :( i know he loves me so but he is not making me feel it anymore, i think he is forgetting.

 I feel that it's always me who totally cares and is kinda paranoid while he is so relaxed. I think i am too obsessed with him which is unhealthy so i should start to have an "alone time with myself" to know also my worth and for him to make me feel that i am still appreciated the the way it was before.